Tuesday, July 10, 2012

back the F off my cat!

oh, im pissed. and if you are a bird lover (which i use to be) you may not want to read on because immabout to open up all kinds of crazy here on a certain little feathered beast!

here's the story:
one day this mama bird decided to build a nest for her sweet baby birdies in my ficus trees in my back yard. so cute right? no. it sucks actually. this bird is taking the 'mama bear' role a tad bit too far.
this bully bird (it's an absolutely appropriate name-you'll see) has decided that every time my cat goes outside to lay in the sun in HIS yard she will both dive bomb him and peck his back while squawking in the most hideous, ear bleeding manner.
its ruthless! its horrid! she is a hideous monster!
why my cat doesn't pop those claws out and take one large swipe and bring her down is beyond me. i wish i had claws.

no that's not a fancy plume tail- its a bird swooping in to peck the cat's behind!

now, in fairness i will take you back in time. my cat use to be known as the bird killer. he has a bit of uh, a rep i suppose. this is true. however, he has softened in his old age and hardly ever bird kills anymore and he hasn't gone into the ficus tree once this season. so, there is that whole killing spree era but, that was like, a year ago. what? do these birds share stories and spread the word about the killer cat at 5110?

uh, and by the way lady, not to point out the obvious but if you are such a great mama maybe you, i dunno, scope out the area next time you build nests and take note that this yard belongs to a cat?? or maybe you don't get knocked up in my neighborhood at all? try a little bird control.

tell me this doesn't make you sad??

so here i am sitting in my backyard drinking my morning coffee and out comes my cute little kitty oatmeal (that's what you get when you give a 3 year old a cat and let her name him- she names him after her favorite food) to lay in the sun.
then boom! here comes mayhem and madness squawking (uh, like no wonder birdie daddy takes flight-i wouldn't hang around to listen to that crap either!) filling my whole yard and home with ear bleeding chirps and ugliness.
incoming!!! right to my oatmeal's back. i seethe. i yell at her. doesnt she have crap to do? like go collect worms to throw up in their babies mouths? which, uh, we wont even discuss how gross and not very lady like that is!

boom, more cat ass kicking occurs.

tell me this video doesn't make you sad/mad??!!

shane hears the birds from inside the house (i wasn't kidding about the ear bleeding noise) and does this amazing impression of gorillas in the mist-running out the door (all bow-legged like) and throwing his arms up yet making a lion's roar. its a confusing and amazing sight all at once. just trust me on this.

well, the bully bird mama flies away to the tree where she sits and waits for the gorilla/lion thing to leave then goes at poor oatmeal again. i do not like this bird. i wish her gone forever. sorry peta. my cat trumps this nasty squawker.

i'm signing off now because i intend to clean the paintball gun and bring down terror on her like she will never know again. never.
ok, not really, i could never wipe out a bird or any other animal. i realize she has babies to take care of and all but she best watch it coz nobody can be a mama bear like this mama right here....bye bye birdie bye bye....