Wednesday, March 5, 2014

hell hath no fury like a cat scorned.

so my cats pissed today.
what's new.
i'm fairly sure he is always plotting to kill us. actually, i think he would save me and maybe the hawaiian guy coz the hawaiian guy does interesting stuff outside in the man cave and that is like, 5% appealing to oatmeal most days.
oh, yes, his name is oatmeal. pissed off reason #1.
sawry bro, a 3 year old named you.

anyway, he deals with me because i understand and fully abide by his 4 basic rules.

rule #1- don't touch his butt area. ever. (never a problem)
rule #2- don't pick him up, but if you must, never place him on his back and never facing you -always face him out and over the shoulder, basically the farthest away his face can be from your face. there is a 7 second time limit on this "holding" thing anyway so ya gotta do this all pretty quickly. (intimacy issues)
rule #3- there is no placing cell phones anywhere near him. it's just important. i don't know why.
rule #4- understand that he expects you to know his wants and needs at all times. if you fail to understand this be prepared for an hour (sometimes longer) of disapproving looks, silent treatment, back turns and the "you are so damn dumb" face which will promptly ensue. (this makes you feel damn dumb. trust me)

today is a new level of pissy.
i woke up to a paw print in the small bathroom where we are doing a little makeover.

i know, cute right?!
cute until the moment of dread washes over you as you quickly realize your cat is somewhere pissed off at this. 
now, if there was a trail and many prints i would know that he was cool with wet cement toes and explored a little.
there is only one print. one. 
he stepped in and stepped out. he's pissed.
you gotta quickly check to see if he is behind you because cats are quiet and sneaky and they think.  they aren't like dogs.
he very well could be waiting around the corner to murder you because someone has to pay.
coast was clear as i live to write the story. whew!

eventually i cleaned off oatmeal's toes which by the way, is now rule #5. 
no toe touching. noted.

my contractor arrived today and while scratching his head (no joke- it was like a cartoon) he said to me, "but i put orange tape up".

i gave him my best "you are damn dumb" oatmeal face and explained that the cat doesn't really know what orange or even what tape means. clearly he does not own a cat.

luckily today wasn't as bad as this day. that was rough.

 or the day i made him weigh in

which resulted in a standoff (that green thing you see is the corner of his treat bag which he is standing on and refusing to let me put it away). i might point out he is showing his fangs.

or the time i accidentally had my cell phone too close to him


which, you guessed it, was followed by the silent treatment.


i quit filming because truthfully, i got scared.
text i sent my son the night of the cell phone issue.

i don't mean to make my cat sound like an a-hole. he really isn't. most of the time.
i do feel badly for my contractor. he is working alone today in my house. well, kinda alone. 
good luck man!

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Wednesday, January 29, 2014

bad blog mom saying hey!

if my blog was a child it would be taken away.
i would be required to complete some sort of bad blog mom classes before i was handed my blogs password and log-in info again.

i won't even pretend and lie and swear that i'll be good. that i'll change. that i won't neglect this blog again.
because i will be neglectful. i, uh, actually have plans to ignore this blog tomorrow as well.

but for today i wanted to say hi and report that there isn't much to report. oh, other than my littlest little threw up at the soccer field the other morning. how not awesome is a sick kid on a week-end?
actually she spewed her dinner from the night before and her breakfast all in the parking lot while cars were parking and an opponent was walking past right at the exact moment.
that's how my kid rolls.
she'll puke as you walk by. it's a scare tactic really. lets her opponent know that she's germy so when she has the ball, take note that she will puke on you.
i'd let you score on me all day long if you puked in front of me.
unfortunately, we had to take her home and she didn't get to play in her first all star tournament of the season.

my middle little has been as cool as he always is. gingers evoke a kind of quiet smoothness.
i'm not talking MAD magazine gingers, they tend to be more "hey, look at me i'm the funny guy", but a deep red, gray eyed ginger like mine is smooth ya know, like a ginja-ninja. smooth. that's the only way i can explain.

my biggest little is in college. i know this because i just paid for it.
kids, get scholarships please. it's a nice way of thanking your parents for paying for everything else in your life up to that college point. i can pretty much assure you they will love you more IF you get scholarships. don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

so, all in all you haven't missed much.
puke, ginja smoothness and college.
don't be envious of me now.
unless of course your son happens to find a chip that he reports is the exact shape of your face...

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Tuesday, December 24, 2013

wrapped and ready

i've been a bit quiet lately, december seems to do that to a person. 
tons to do. 
cookies to make (and eat), cards to send (kids wouldn't sit on santas lap so a plan b is in the works which make my cards new years cards), sons of anarchy episodes to catch up on (oh, hey jax), and ya know, the gifts, the wrapping and all that other glitter dusted december business.

i thought i would share some of my favorite gifts i wrapped for the littles from last year. so ya know, if you are in the thick of paper and bows, feathers and curling ribbon here are a few ideas for ya. 

you have exactly 17 hours left. 
ready? go!

i hope you all have a fabulous christmas eve and christmas day or whatever it is you celebrate!!

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

unsuccessfully doin' nothing

so jeffy the turtle and i are officially in hibernation mode.
i came out of hibernation 4 times saturday to go to an 8am soccer game-that's mine in pink in case you didn't recognize the blonde pony.
it's pretty hard for me to successfully pull off this hibernation gig when my demand to do things, make things and be places is so high. it's really messing with my success in the hibernate department. yes, imma little salty here.

then again at 11am. to make these-

uh, apple pie pockets are brilliant by the way. i stumbledupon (love that site) and found these but didn't bookmark or pin it so i had to go offa my memory-which recently got a year older. ouch. happy to announce that they worked and they were really good.

i will add that these are easy breezy UNTIL you get to that lattice top, but ya can't just rebel and skip the lattice, you could be hung in some states.
oh, wait, maybe i'm thinking of practicing witchcraft in the 1600's. they made a movie about, hocus pocus. anyway, don't skip the lattice regardless. but know, just know, the lattice is the hard part. well, that and not eating 6 in a row. i'll try to post these soon and hopefully find the source.

i came out of hibernation again at 2pm for a 2nd soccer game.
i think my fav pastime is watching my girl kill it on the field. she doesn't let up and she is fast, man that girl is like white lightening....ohh, i feel a new nickname coming on!! my littles all have about 6 or 7 nicknames each. they answer to them all without an eye roll or any hesitation. i don't even really use their given names much. huh, just realized that.

sorry this is blurry, lightening is hard to catch!

back out of hibernation again at 7 for a birthday party. you'll be happy to know that i not only curled my hair and put on gloss but i also wore deodorant. it was an event. sometimes i clean up.

i can't say the same for jeffy. he has not put on deodorant (i repeat, not put on deodorant) and he has only moved his neck a little here and there. he kinda has it made.

so basically, my version of hibernation is to not use a brush (until absolutely necessary), stay in your university of washington pajamas (go dawgs), once home again get back into university of washington p.j.'s, don't worry about a lil apple pie filling in your hair (or on your shirt) and remember that deodorant can do wonders for a girl in hibernation/go mode.

i hope y'all have a wonderful thanksgiving, where you eat like crazy, you go into an early hibernation nap mode (hope you have more success at it than i) and skip the deodorant all together. it's your family right? they'll understand....

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Wednesday, November 20, 2013

life hacks

still slightly hibernating today so i have no "what i wore wednesday" for y'all today.

i did find this link full of gems from geniuses. i always come through friends. remember that.

truthfully, some make you wanna stop and say, "oh come on, what do i live in a hillbilly commune"??
but ya know, what else ya gonna do with a cassette tape holder? i'm sure it couldn't still be holding a cassette because that would mean you were 120....

but prepare yourself for 49 more of these bright ideas.

check it out. waste about 3 minutes of time but i bet more than once you will think, "wow, that's freakin' genius"!!
how geniuses live

off to go clean out my ketchup bottles...

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Tuesday, November 19, 2013

hibernation mode

having a hard time getting it going this week. 
feeling like i want to hibernate. 
oh, which by the way we found jeffy, our long lost turtle a few days ago. 
we think he is hibernating, or dying. 
he is barely moving, like realllllly sloooooowwwwllly moving. i know, he is a turtle (and maybe not even a he) but i'm talking major slo-mo here.
here he is.

just standing there, wait, would you say standing or sitting? what would be proper turtle talk since i think technically he has arms and feet and can't really do a whole lot else than what you see here. wow, tiring huh? poor turtles.

anyway, about 7 years ago we released jeffy out in "the wild" of the backyard convincing an 8 year old middle little that jeffy wants to roam and live free. we would see jeffy scooting around here and there, in and out of the bushes, eating his food, and drinking his water for quite some time. he seemed happy, he seemed free. turtles have an amazing show of emotion i'll have you know...

we didn't see jeffy for a very long time until one day our neighbor told us that the strangest thing occurred. you see, a turtle was in her back yard and ate her koi's from her koi pond. i may have muttered something about wild turtles and isn't that interesting and i may have inched my way towards the door never leaving a crime scene so quickly in my life.

we figured jeffy moved on, dug his way out, tired of being fenced in. we hadn't seen jeffy in years! he is an explorer that jeffy. or at least that's what you tell an 8 year old that is clearly on to your "let jeffy explore and roam free" bullshit you are sellin'. 
fast forward. 
that kid, ya know, the smart one that called your jig up? he is 15 now and his turtle has come back from his world-wide expeditions (or at least scaled the perimeter of our yard and evidently our neighbors yard as well) and he is home again. 

jeffy is back in the house, in that kids room. he's huge now.

koi fish must have lots of protein. i mean, not that this would be the same turtle, *cough, cough*, i'm sure there's millions of turtles hangin out, thuggin around, breaking out and massacring ponds and such.

i'm not sure what will become of jeffy now. google isn't being specific enough on what i should do here and siri is seriously no help on this one.

there is a moral.
you see, kids figure it out, turtles come back. but do they sit or stand? 
that is the real question here. 
stay tuned for more jeffy stories, unless he is actually dying and not hibernating, then there will just be 1 more.

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p.s. i promise jeffy will be cared for properly. i'm calling a professional so i know what he needs if he is hibernating-which is actually called brumate. see, i'm already learning peta friends. i will take your advice or expertise though. if you have any please email me and let me know.

Much Ado About Somethin
Glossy Blonde

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

yea wednesday!

i get to leave for the airport in 2 hours to pick up my bestie
 coming in from seattle so this is my post today.

i'm way too excited to focus on actual words, i'm too busy doing
leprechaun kicks....

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linking up! the pleated poppy get your pretty on because shanna said so wardrobe wednesday style sessions