why i am the most perfect mom...ever

--i totally won't let my kids eat sugar
 (after 11pm at night)

--we have a strict rule of no t.v. or video games
(unless they are bored)

--of course they all know we always wash our hands before dinner
(i believe in the honor system...if they say they did it....)

--no dessert until after dinner
(unless the dessert has something healthy in it, say milk or ice)

--no, we don't "act a fool" in public
(unless snoop dog, sir mix-a-lot, or jay z's tunes are thumpin'-it's only appropriate)

--there is no wiping your snot on anything but a tissue
(if i don't see you then you can wipe it on anything just don't let me see where you wiped it)

--there is no puking allowed in restaurants
(oops-pictures are available but i just wouldn't do that to you....)

--i would never bribe my kids to do anything.
(negotiations however are different)

--we always act appropriate and don't scratch body parts in public
(if you got a bad ass sunburn at the beach and must lift the back of your skirt to take care of the itch, well, you at least do it at night where maybe not everyone will see- just your son and the camera man...and now all of you.)

--i pride myself on being an amazing role model
(self explanatory-see above AND below))

--we never talk to strangers
(unless we are at the park, they have hula hoops and a boom box, that's a different story)

--we save "dress up" strictly for inside the home
(well, there is new years eve, monday, tuesday, wednesday...)

i know, you wonder "how does she do it"??
well, i don't just wake up naturally being this perfect of a mom, it takes years of messing up, uh, i mean perfection....i should probably hold week-end seminars. i'll look into that-stay tuned.