Thursday, November 7, 2013

f.u. retrograde

so apparently mercury is in retrograde. 
this means your life is screwed until the 10th of november when it spins back in the right direction.

well, i ain't buyin' it. yes, mercury does spin in the wrong direction 3 -4 times a year. that is a fact.
but really, we can spend any day of any month and find something that isn't great, or any chunk of time that wasn't our happiest or easiest.
i believe (don't bite me, this is my opinion. my blog = my opinion) that many use mercury as an excuse.
we can blame all the bullshit on mercury being a pain in the ass, retrograding like a jerk-off. focusing on the bad.

i hear a few people around me literally living their life announcing mercury's name every time they spill their coffee, someone flips them off or they generally just have a sucky day.
"mercury! dang it, that mercury. man, i can't wait for mercury to stop retrograding. well, that would be mercury!". all things i hear them say.

i think of all the good things that have happened over the past 3 weeks and loudly announce, "well, what's up now mercury? whose the boss now huh?"
i say this while doing an air chest bump to the skies. occasionally i will spit on the ground and give the sky stink eye, ya know, for dramatic effect.
i won't let mercury rule my life while it's doing it's thing. how hard is it anyway to simply stay in line with the rest of the planets and spin in the right direction? he's really like a badly behaved child...

if you are a virgo or a gemini you are suppose to really be kicked in the balls hard by mercury. sawry.
thank the good lord i am a lucky leo!!
however, if you'd like, you can join my club in not allowing mercury to take a negative effect. i'm having special tee's made up now that say, "mercury, you hit like a little girl". 

if you care, there are specifics we are not suppose to do until the 10th. i repeat do NOT do these things (again, if you care).

-no signing contracts of any kind. hope ya didn't want to start that new job or get married.
-no getting married. it's a contract. sawry.
-don't buy any technology. some people even say don't touch it. if you are a die hard and reading this on your laptop, you're doomed.
-don't travel. not sure if this also means walking, biking, driving or what. just stand still i suppose.
-don't make appointments, like haircuts, etc. you may possibly leave with a dorothy hamil cut. if you don't know the hamil, google it. unless you can't use technology right now then uh, good luck with that "do".
-don't have a birthday during this time. your gifts may suck.

oh, please don't start to crawl into a hole yet. mercury also does some fabulous things as well.
i mean look, paris is reading up on it so she can cope.
if paris can cope, we can cope.

-now is a great time to commit a crime. apparently police botch evidence during retrograde.
-cleaning your house is good now. so, that's fun right? right? crickets.
-if you are due to give birth it's all good. i can't recall what i read but it was on the "to do" list during retrograde. oh, actually, unless you get married (a no-no) then go into labor in the same retrograde, that i'm not sure about but good luck to you....

...and don't worry, this is the first and the LAST time i will have paris hilton in my blog.
i'm blaming this lapse of judgement on mercury.

to ensure your club membership and tee you'll wanna follow me:
follow me via BLOGLOVIN!!
follow me on TWITTER!!
follow me on INSTAGRAM!!
follow me on GOOGLE+!! 

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